up late. thinking.

i fell half-asleep earlier, twice. i had a semi-dream about forget cassettes. i always listen to that record before bedtime. yeah, it's not really a bedtime record. but it makes me sleepy for some reason.

anyway, i think those little half-asleep sessions were power naps in disguise. this has been happening to me a lot lately. semi-asleep = wide awake minutes later.

i've been thinking about the things that have happened to me this year and how i've changed. a lot of shit went down, and i've learned a lot--about myself and my relations with others.

i've made a lot of new friends this year, but i've also forgotten about plenty of old ones. this is not necessarily a bad thing.

here's things:

* jd broke up with lashon, and he and i have become very close. there are few people on this earth i trust more than jd jacobs. the kid's the real deal. so, of course, he has to do things to make me fall in love with him every few months.

* i finally finally finally got completely over chris martin. he broke my heart over a year ago now. we still talk, but it's generally just smalltalk these days--which really is boring and pointless.

* i thought i found my soulmate when i started hanging out with ben moses. but, i made the mistake of sleeping with him too soon (this, actually, is one of the biggest lessons of this year: don't sleep with your friends.). i spent a lot of time analyzing that boy and his motives, and you know, i still think we have soulmate potential. but not in the traditional romantic sense. ben and i are just a lot alike emotionally. we understand each other; we share something.

* the month of april i don't even want to talk about. i'd rather just erase it from my memory. and that's mainly because i'm somewhat embarrassed by it.

* i've become much more social and less introverted this year. not that i was particularly anti-social before, but when put in social situations (i.e., new party), i am very much less likely to give way to anxiety (hmmm..."much less." that sounds weird. you get it, though, right?).

* i've discovered the secret to chilling out and not having emotional breakdowns every other week. i used to be so worried about the stupidest little things. now, yeah, i still get insecure and upset and worry about stupid little things, but definitely not as much.

ok, i'm sure there's more. but let me say, i am so much happier with my life now than i was about 5 or 6 months ago. i feel...together.